Earlier this month, my 13‑year‑old went back to school. To say he dislikes school is an understatement. When I asked, “How was school today?” he replied, “Fine,” with the energy that makes it clear his school day was anything but.
If you’ve ever watched someone you love struggle with returning to school, work or routine – or if you’ve felt that heaviness yourself – you’ll understand the sense that everything feels harder than it should.
After checking there hadn’t been a terrible disaster, I asked him if he wanted to know how his brain might be making his school day seem worse. He said yes, admittedly with the same energy, but as I took that as a green light to explain something I also share with my coaching clients: the human negativity bias.
Our brains have five times more circuitry dedicated to scanning for negative things. This vigilance is designed to protect us and keep us safe. Useful in the days of early humans where danger was everywhere. Today, it mostly keeps us stressed.
The negativity bias means that if we approach a situation – school, work, a meeting, a difficult conversation – expecting it to be awful, our brain will find all the evidence to prove us right. We all do it, it’s how we’re hard-wired to function. For my son, this means that if he walks into school already braced for the worst, his brain will amplify every uncomfortable moment and gloss over the good.
But here’s the hopeful part: we can change the lens through which we see the world. Not by pretending everything is wonderful, but by gently training the brain to notice what is also good. So how do we shift a brain that’s wired for negativity? How do we help ourselves – and our children – see the day through a more balanced, less punishing lens? This is where a simple, evidence‑based practice comes in.
The Three Good Things Reset
I asked my son to tell me three good things from his day. At first, he couldn’t think of one, but we stayed with it…
- Good thing #1: seeing his friends and playing manhunt at lunchtime.
I explained that even tiny things count – it doesn’t have to be a significant or memorable event.
- Good thing #2: having strawberries for his after‑school snack.
Then I sensed his energy shift and he found he third good thing quickly and all by himself.
I suggested keeping a Three Good Things notebook, and surprisingly he agreed!
This practice may seem simple, but it is a proven method for overcoming the negativity bias, training the brain to notice what is good and shift our perspective. What’s more, Positive Psychology researchers have found this simplified version of a ‘gratitude practice’ can significantly improve mental wellbeing and happiness.
While I shared this exercise with my son, I also use it with coaching clients who are struggling with their job, their workplace, or their relationship with their boss. It always makes a positive difference. Will you try it?
Sometimes a small shift in perspective is all we need to see ourselves, other people and the world around us in a better light.
If you’ve found the return to work, routine or responsibility harder than expected, please know nothing is wrong with you. Your brain is simply doing what human brains do. If you’d like further support, I’d love to help. Book a free, no-obligation Clarity Call using the link below, and together we’ll explore what you need to feel more supported, positive and resilient.
Emma Hackett 