When my clients feel stuck and cannot see a way forward, one of my favourite coaching tools is called The Four Choices. The model reminds us that we always have a choice and one of those is to change ourselves: our perspective, mindset and behaviour. One of the simplest, and most powerful, ways to change ourselves is to seek joy.
Seeking joy means noticing the moments of joy in your day, adding more joy into your routine and finding ways to make dull or difficult tasks more joyful. Focusing on joy changes us from the inside out and goes a long way to making a challenging situation more bearable.
The negativity bias: why joy doesn’t come naturally
Seeking joy sounds simple… but there’s a catch. Our brains are wired with five times more circuitry for spotting the negative. From an evolutionary perspective, joy wasn’t essential for survival — but noticing danger absolutely was. This is also reflected in our five core human emotions: anger, sadness, fear, disgust… and joy. It’s always fascinated me that only one of them is positive – it feels like humanity has been a little short-changed!
This tendency to look for, focus on and remember what’s wrong is known as the negativity bias. But the good news is that, with a little conscious effort, we can overcome the brain’s natural tendency towards negativity and be intentional about seeking joy.
Look for the little moments of joy
There are fleeting moments of joy in every day and whether we notice them or not, they are still there. This might be listening for bird song as you step outside, a cool drink of water after a long walk, a hug from some you love or a piece of music that lifts your heart.
Meet Will*, a lovely coaching client who found his work environment particularly challenging. We explored the Four Choices model and as the possibilities for change were limited, Will agreed to change how he thought and felt about is work and, somewhat sceptically, look for moments of joy during his day. In the first week, he noticed the patient who smiled and said thank you, the colleague who brought him a cup of tea and the sun on his face as he stepped outside to buy lunch. Three moments of joy he would otherwise have overlooked. The next time we met, Will had found fifteen moments of joy that week. Once he’d set the intention to seek joy, it became easier to notice, and in the space of just two weeks he had increased his moments of joy fivefold! Will’s situation hadn’t changed, but his experience of it had, and the subtle shift in mindset made his work environment more enjoyable.
Add moments of joy into your day
The intention here is to find joy in the small activities you do every day. For example, can the act of making your morning tea become a joyful ritual? Listening to the water fill the kettle, choosing your favourite mug, adding milk to reach the perfect shade of brown and truly savouring that first sip. Setting the intention to seek joy pulls you out of auto-pilot and back into your life, noticing the moments of joy that have always been there.
Also consider the activities that bring you joy that perhaps you haven’t done for a while. Painting? Riding your bike? Cooking something delicious? Ask yourself what brings you joy and make time to add them into your week.
Make difficult or dull tasks more joyful
We all have tasks we’d rather avoid. For me, it’s the dreaded tax-return . Maths is not my strong point and I always put it off until HMRC sends me daily reminders. So this year I asked myself: how can I make this more joyful? I considered what my senses would enjoy as I tackled my tax return. I played some relaxing music, lit a scented candle, held a cool, smooth rose quartz crystal and sipped a delicious hot chocolate to get me through the ordeal. Was the tax return joyful? Absolutely not. But there were moments of joy within it and that made all the difference.
Why joy matters
The negativity bias may whisper that seeking joy isn’t worthwhile and you don’t have time for joy anyway. However, seeking joy is not just about breaking through the monotony of the daily grind. And incorporating joy into your day is far from frivolous. Positive Psychology research shows that experiencing positive emotion goes far beyond feeling good: joy boosts our immune function, replenishes our energy, develops resilience and builds long-term resources that promote better health and longevity. Seeking small moments of joy doesn’t have to be big or dramatic, but the benefits can be.
An invitation
- Set an intention to seek joy each day. To overcome your negativity bias, you might need to say it out loud or write it down: “I can see a beautiful robin in the tree, and that brings me joy.” Then notice how that joy feels in your body, it could be lightness, warmth, a sense of wonder or a rush of energy.
- Make a list of what brings you joy and choose one thing to add into your week.
- Find ways to make dull tasks more joyful. Even a tiny shift from awful to joyful is always worth it.
If you’d like one-to-one coaching support to become unstuck, shift your mindset or seek joy, please click the button below to get in touch.
Emma Hackett 