For years, I thought I understood what resilience meant, at least well enough to use the word in a sentence. But it wasn’t until I began working closely with stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted leaders that I realised how misunderstood this concept really is. Resilience seems to come with a subtle pressure to ‘simply bounce back’ after setbacks and challenges, often faster than our humanity allows.
Most dictionary definitions describe resilience as the ability to recover quickly and easily from difficulty. But human beings don’t work like that – resilience depends on the circumstances and the individual. We’ve all experienced a time when life has thrown a curveball and it’s just not possible to bounce back quickly and easily. So I offer an alternative definition that honours our humanity:
“Resilience is the capacity to withstand, recover from, or adjust to difficulty
or change … in our own sweet time.“
The dimensions of resilience
In my nine years as a coach, I’ve supported many clients navigating career transitions after redundancy or mutually-agreed exits. They often come to coaching feeling bruised from the emotional rollercoaster they’ve experienced before and after their exit: their emotional resilience is low. Their Inner Critic is loud and unforgiving, relentlessly pointing out their shortcomings: their mental resilience is low. And now, in the space between one role and the next, their sense of identity, meaning and purpose has been shaken to the core: their spiritual resilience is low.
This is why I don’t start career transition coaching with CVs and LinkedIn profiles. Instead, we start with acknowledging emotions, replenishing what has been depleted and rebuilding resilience. If a client needs to retreat, lick their wounds and hide from the world – just for a while – I encourage it and we celebrate it! It takes strength to recognise when your energy has been utterly spent and give yourself what you need without guilt. This process is neither quick nor easy, but it is resilience in action.
Resilience is not rare
A reassuring truth is that resilience isn’t a rare quality reserved for a lucky few. It’s a natural human state. Yet because life brings both everyday difficulties and life‑changing challenges, strengthening our resilience is always worthwhile. I often work with clients across four dimensions of resilience—physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. And while all four matter, the tools that develop mental resilience, or resilient thinking, often create the most significant shifts.
There is a core resilient thinking skill that consistently transforms how we navigate setbacks and self‑doubt. It’s simple, powerful and often overlooked – and it starts with recognising the voice that undermines us the most: the Inner Critic.
Strengthen mental resilience by challenging the Inner Critic
1. Identify your Inner Critic. This is the judgemental, often unkind voice in your head that points out your flaws and all the reasons why you’re not good enough. We all have one. Notice what triggers it, what it says, and how it impacts your feelings and behaviour.
2. When you hear it, pause and ask: “Do these thoughts help, hinder or harm me?” It’s likely the Inner Critic is deeply unhelpful, so notice how these thoughts hinder or harm you.
3. Choose a more helpful thought. Thank the Inner Critic for their misguided efforts to protect you and consciously choose a thought that is more accurate, helpful or positive.
This small practice interrupts unhelpful thinking patterns, halts rumination and helps us respond to challenges with more clarity, balance and self‑compassion. Over time, recognising and choosing not to believe our Inner Critic builds mental resilience.
Resilience isn’t about simplicity and speed. It’s about honesty, humanity and the courage to meet yourself where you are. When you give yourself permission to recover in your own time, you become wiser, stronger and develop the ability to learn and grow from the challenges you face. And that is resilience at its most powerful.
If you’d like to develop your resilience to improve your performance in the workplace, or navigate a career transition, please click the button below to schedule a free, no-obligation clarity call to explore how one-to-one coaching can help you.
References:
The Oxford English dictionary defines resilience as: “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties”.
The Merriam-Webster refers to: “an ability to recover from, or adjust easily to, misfortune or change”.
Emma Hackett 